the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
