i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
