Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
