I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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