quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
