So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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