So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
