oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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