1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
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