The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
