D3 body, D1 cock
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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