This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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