Swine flu. Run for my life!
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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