when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
