I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Randomize
