I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
