Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Randomize
