Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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