I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
Randomize
