I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
