no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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