uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So many bounce houses so little time
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
