Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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