soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
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