and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
