if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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