last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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