Pants 0. Shit 1.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I just gargled with NyQuil
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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