Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
