idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
