I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
