What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
