also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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