just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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