I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
