He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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