Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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