sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Randomize
