Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Randomize
