I CAN MOONWALK!
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
