3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
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