in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
