My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
