so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
