yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
I had to cum in my sink.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
