She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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