You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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