as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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