you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
