careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize