i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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