I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
