The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
