At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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