you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
