he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
