sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
