i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
