If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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