I think i sorta joined a cult last night
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
