he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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