Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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