There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
