maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
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