Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
