do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
