glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Randomize
