Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
