Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
