My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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