i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
