Pants 0. Shit 1.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
